The Young Man 's Journal

I still remember i told myself in my dream that i am going to live to the fullest today , i am going to enjoy living again .  It is actually the mode of thinking that will determine how wonderful life is .  In my dream , i don't know why the lecturer shew our results to everyone in the classroom , for me , there is no privacy or i should say i was quite shame of that result , because compare to my friend , that result was  really too bad . At the same time , i saw a high school friend of mine being so successful , i was really proud of him , miss him and realized the jealousy inside me . Some friends were afraid like me , but one of my friend admitted how bad was her result .  Failure binds to the heart  ,the moment when we hold on to our failure ,  our heart need to  pump harder , we are stressed and find so hard to be happy . In the ends , we will find out the reason we were not enjoyed is because we were stress out ...  So , why do...

我是一名大专生，今天从8点上化学，生物学，数学。。。直到下午差不多4点 ， 脑里满满的资料，都不懂如何去化解，在加上功课 ，等下有做兼职， 课外活动等 ， 心里不经疲倦，埋怨的声音也不断的涌出。   我们是幸福的小孩，我们的父母工我们读书。 我的大学有一定的水准，虽然有拿一些奖学金，但是学费，住宿费，生活费还是很昂贵啊 。有时会觉得选择错了路，害怕这些金钱上的投资会得不到理想的回报。 虽然父母都说尽力就好，觉得欣慰，但是，给自己的一句话还是-压力。  如果尽力了，那就算了， 但是如果自己知道还没进到全力，我想心里怎样都过不去。  在外边，有很多人想求学的，机会却非常的渺茫， 就连一些住在比较偏僻地方的小孩，为了获取学问， 绕过河流，穿越树林才能到达一个简陋的教室，坐在木椅子上，专心的求学。  今天，我只是走一段路，就能到达一个有冷气的教室，舒舒服服的获取学问， 但是，可悲的是，我们仍然有许许多多的抱怨。  昨天晚上，因为工作没吃晚餐，室友问我要不要到便利店买些饼干或面包，  而我却说，我比较想吃米饭。我不想吃面包。  一个简单的回答，让我觉得我很不尊重那些三餐不饱的小孩。 我不要喝那些普通的灌装咖啡，我比较想喝星巴克 ，  曾经看过一张图片，一个非洲的小孩，喝牛的小便，看了很心酸，但是心动了吗？ 自己还是没有学会知足及顾及别人的需要。  小时候，觉得家里发生的事，毁了我的童年, 很多无法解答的问题，觉得自己非常无辜也很可怜， 看看那些在失去双亲的小孩，跟他们比起来我应该算很幸福了。  至少我还有爱我的父母。 生活在马来西亚这个热带雨林的国家，拥有丰富及令人赞叹的景色，  但是我们却在埋怨我们没有下雪的日子，觉得日本的樱花比较美，中国的万里长城比较壮观。直到我到了日本后，觉得马来西亚的太阳好舒服，也很骄傲的说我们的神山。  虽然我们没有很先进的科技，但是至少我们有互联网吧， 如果领袖无法完成任务，我们能做的不是埋怨，而是寻找方法。  很多时候，我们觉得缺乏时不代表我们真的缺乏， 这些都在于我们怎样看待事情  ...

家，有种味道，一种让人想念却非常熟悉的味道。 生活忙了起来，不知不觉中才发现原来已经离开家里一段日子了。 不懂最近为什么身边的事物都好像活了起来，它们飘起了我对家的思恋。 想起回到家，看到那位又瘦了的婆婆，心疼了。 想起回到家，看见头上又多了白发的爸爸，心酸了。 想起回到家，看到妈妈那双期待的眼神，心软了 想起回到家，看见我的姐姐跟妹妹，心开了。 我在外读书， 虽然是在国内，但是距離确实是一个东，一个西。 有时心里很矛盾，不懂是否应该放弃学业，放更多的时间给家人。  婆婆最心疼的话，就是当她问我几时读完书。。。 我有时真的不懂如何回答，告诉她5年吗？  那位婆婆让我无法遮盖我心中的眼泪， 每次通话时，她都叫我早点睡觉，记得喝鸡精，好好读书，不要随便走。。。 她每次都让别人担心，叫别人照顾身体，她自己呢？ 她总是想到家人，宁愿自己不吃，也要我们先吃， 虔诚的祈祷我们一家平安及拿到好成绩。 心里真是舍不得。 爸爸很硬颈，时常不注意自己的饮食，放纵自己。 身为家里的独生子，虽然应该挺自己的爸爸，但是我没做到。 虽然爸爸会觉得为什么这个儿子跟其他人的儿子不同，意见不合，而且还斗嘴　 我想对我爸说，我爱他。有很多事情是无法妥协的，为了他的健康，为了他的将来，真的很希望他能明白。跟他谈耶稣，不是因为我要炫耀我的宗教，不是为了不要传承文化，而是因为我希望他能有新的生命，希望神能祝福他的一生。　 口中有时不说话，其实心里有很多难言的话。　 口中有时嘴硬，但是其实心软了。 不想看到别人糟蹋我爸，也不想他自己糟蹋自己。　 我永远不会忘记，我小时，当我睡不着时，他那杯MILO。 妈妈的手总让我觉得自责，因为女人本来就应该享受生活，而现在的我却给不了什么 天下没有不保护孩子的妈妈，当然也没有不爱妈妈的孩子，　 虽然她在我童年画下了一道疤痕，但是如今，神却把那道疤痕变成了生命中的彩虹，成为了许多人的见证。我享受与妈妈一起逛街，与妈妈在一起的日子，因为那时何等的福气 有时候，妈妈告诉我她失眠时，或者她腰酸背痛时，心里其实不懂该怎样好，　所以也只有交托给神了，让他看顾我妈妈，就像以前我妈妈把我们交给神一样。　 一位姐姐，一位妹妹，我的童年玩伴。 我们有很疯狂的童年，无限的创意，无穷的力量。　 希望这一切永远...

每种人的生活都存在着不同的节奏，有些人的生活是古典音乐，有些人的却如那些摇滚音乐使人兴奋也使人反感。 每种人都有不同的思想模式，有些人是看事不看人，有些人却是感情动物。 每种人都有着不同的梦想，有些人盼望能翱翔蓝天，有些人却只希望躺卧青草地 长大了，角度也当改变了吧。。。 最近发生了很多事，在今年， 马来西亚的MH370与MH17 陷入了空难后，相信不管你是否是马来西亚人，心--------因该都碎了吧。当打开面子书时，看见战争中那些无辜的小孩，那些残忍的做法，实在让人心酸。上星期，参加了『饥饿30』后，体会到了没有东西吃的感受。 我对这个世界很失望。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。 加上我有很多问题我需要面对，包括自己的将来，心中的压抑，也许因该没有人能明白。  一直以来，我都很积极面对生命，因为我相信神创造了我，肯定有他的目的。 也许你会觉得我好像安慰着我自己，但是总好过麻木的过着毫无目的的生活吧。 心里的空虚，让我思考了人生的很多个问题。。。 钱多了，带去哪？ 学业第一，又怎样？ 那么多朋友，有多少个是真心的？ 有了家庭，有了工作， 有了永恒的生命吗？  最后我们还是要面对我们即将入土的命运。  心中有很多的东西放不下。。。。 放不下家人，放不下地位，放不下金钱，放不下尊严 到了一段时间，发现心里累了，想把这些东西放下。 觉得自己的命运很遭吗？ 我问神。。。为什么？为什么他们有的我却不能拥有，很不公平 我问神。。。为什么？为什么要这样对我？ 我问神。。。为什么？为什么？为什么？ 觉得自己好幼稚，神可能都在笑了。。。 长大后，发现其实我拥有很多东西， 在世界的另一端，不懂多少人渴望能有我的生命 为什么自己一直看到自己没有的呢？  今天晚上，觉得自己长大了， 因为我的愿望是，希望每个人都开心，世界和平 朋友不需要多，真心的几个就好了，  生活不需要太过富有 ，充满意义就好  把一切重担交给神，因为他才是掌管者啊 。 多为世界祷告， 为教会，为家人，为朋友， 为国家， 为社会 生活短短几十年，活出最好的自己吧 ！

I questioned myself , why can i be so positive but yet so negative ... A simple sentence that someone combined unintentionally could be a sword that hurts me deep into my heart . A candy that given by someone normal can bright up my day . While walking around , i amazed to see the creation like flowers and tree of God but sadness just filled my heart when i saw those little kids that asking for food , those adults that have no pride but live so hopeless ............................................... So simple but yet so complicated . So easy but yet so hard .  God has given me the very rich emotions , the emotions that feel .....I feel the people around me , i know the feeling when your parents about to divorce , i know the feeling that when you feel like God leaving you , i know your feeling when someone look down on you , i know your feeling when you break with your couple , i know your feeling when you lost your phone . I know all that because i experienced it .  Em...

I was thinking about my dad last night .  Lying down on my bed , with the relaxing music i played to prepare myself for a journey in my dream  I was thinking to have supper with my dad when i go back to Sabah during my semester break,  think about last time , my sisters and i will be very  happy if our dad brought us for supper .   Really miss you dad .  I have a lot to learn from my dad this time i go back ,  i want to get financial knowledge from my dad , and tell him my plan after i finish my degree . Just pray to God that he will keep my family in hand .  Amen 

I wrote this article when I was sitting down in Starbucks , I saw a girl with a white guy . No discrimation just rethink about the prostitutes I saw on the streets the other day .  A girl will only give her precious thing to the man that she loves   I saw many girls on the street provide massage to the man that passing by , verbally is massage but you know what is the extra service provided next .  They are selling their body for money .  I always feel so sympathy to them , because they have to have sex with the man they don't love ...and the society today will judge them through their eyes , they are below the standard of living and they are the rubbish of the society , the reason of broken family .  Can you imagine what kind of life they are living in ?  It is a life that is dark and with no hope , I believe they have a strong guilt in their heart . Because they don't feel the love anymore , they don't feel the acceptance ....

I just finished the movie “Son Of God” It happened long time ago , but the feeling is so real . Jesus said “ Blessed are those who don’t see but who believe in him” , you might said these are all story that made by the man . Sometimes we  harden our heart , we will not admit we are all sinners . We cannot see God and God is something that made to comfort our soul only . Friends , what are you breathing in ? You are breathing in oxygen right ? But do you see oxygen ? How do you know that is oxygen ?  Can you stop breathing it in ?   Truth needs not evidence to support , because truth cannot be changed . Truth is always there and with our limited intelligent how are we going to fully understand the thing that beyond our level of thinking ? Ask you a very simple question , will you let a 5 years old kids to mark your degree paper ? Logically no , because even if you let the 5 years old kid to mark your paper ,  you will get back the paper with a hous...

不懂我们是否还记得以前那个因为一点小事而发脾气的自己。  别人比我们拿的多了一些，我们就开始觉得世界是不公平的。 无可否认，我们确实因为生活中的小小不如意而感到沮丧升至影响了我们身边的人。 手里拿着爆米花，嘴里嚼着的爆米花以让人回味起当初的点点滴滴。 记得从前，我因为一包妈妈卖给我们的爆米花而骂我的姑姑，当时真的觉得很生气， 觉得她不应该在还没经过别人的允许就吃别人的东西。  今日想起，才觉得自己很幼稚 。  有时候，一时的脾气带来的破坏力足于把一段经历已久的感情桥梁给毁掉，幸运的话，至少还能和气的说话 ， 但是时间短暂，我们又有多少时间能浪费在这些脾气上呢？  小孩争吵可能是为了玩具，糖果。 少年吵架可能是为了朋友及潮流 成年人吵架可能是为了成就与地位 已婚的可能是因为不合一的想法，  老年人，可能因为生活中的忧闷 。 其实，我们为什么利用那么多时间在这些小事呢” 从今开始，我们是否应该思考及给予更多的原谅呢 珍惜身边的人 吧。 

When i was still a 10 years old kid .... Inside a car , going back home from grandpa's house ....  My little sister said : "Look , i feel so pity about the dog that died on the road because of the cars" I replied  : "The dog should die , the dog should be careful while crossing the road " My mom raised her voice a bit louder and told me that this is not the reaction that i should have , this is not the right feeling , instead i should feel pity about that dog ............. I think that's the time my thinking started to change , change to someone that have mercy and love . I was a very naughty boy when i was still a little monkey , i shouldn't categorised myself as naughty , playful and active are more suitable .  Back when i was still a kid , Nokia was a very famous phone , and until now i don't know what  is so fun about the snake game in the phone .  When my mom was sleeping in the noon , i was like a pink panther , i took ...

      18 years are not so long nor short . Think about what have i done for the past 18 years , i feel so proud that i was brave enough to face those challenges in life . 18 years ago , i was born , i thank God for giving me the chance to play this game and of course parents especially my mom who suffered extreme pain while delivering me .       So , what is 18 going to be ? I was very excited on how my birthday is going to be celebrated ... And here , i would like to "showoff" how awesome was my 18th birthday . A few months ago , i told my mom i want to go back to Sabah exactly on my birthday date . That's because for me , home is the best present and i miss Sabah so much . So my mom booked the flight ticket for me . Some of my friends who asked me whether i am free or not on my birthday , i will say i am going back to Sabah on that day ..... :) So the first surprise came a few day before my birthday ....(4th Dec ) My friend Rebe...

No body can buy themselves the time . It passes so fast . Tick tok tick tok tick tok ..... Someone who are willing to spent their time with you must be someone who care about you , for time is precious and they are willing to give the precious thing to you .  Some people willing to give you their time for some intention , whatever it's , we must learn how to weight the value of the deal . Some people don't even know why they are giving you their time and most of us are belong to this group of people , we spend time to talk something not good about others , doing something useless .... Time .... When you love someone , you will think about the relationship most of the time , you will wonder why no message on your phone , you will try to guess what is happening and think a lot and a lot . If we are forgotten by our partners just because they are busy , Yes , we must understand the situation , but is that called "Love" . Or it is just a "Puppy Love " ...

有人描述人的心为海底的针，有人描述人的心为无底的洞。 人的心，确实很难摸透。一个人笑着口并非开心，一个人闭着眼并非瞎眼，一个人摸着心，有时却不明白自己想要的到底是什么。 世界给我的定义是美好的，他拥有迷人的色彩，动人的感情以及惊人的定律设计。 今天，我讲出了心中的两个压力。 而我想在这里分享的是其中一个。 我想对我的父母说 ，他们让我看到 人类永远只看到自己对的一面，却没想过自己的一举一动所带来的后果及伤害 。  “就是因为他这样，我讨厌他，全都是他的错。” 我们一直埋怨别人，好像我们是好人一样， 我们看我们自己是没有错的。 凡事都要从不同的角度去追究， 当然，有些事情的发生确实是出自于神的旨意，但是我真的不明白。 我们不曾受过别人所受的伤，又如何能了解别人的痛呢？ 这个时候， 我只想安静， 向神说， 我需要你。 

Dear God ,         You should know who am i  or who was i . I really don't know whether i am who i am or i lost the original identity that you have created for me . Should i change myself to adapt to the Bible ? I am not perfect i know , but i am trying to be perfect because i love you God . So should i or should not ? I am really confused and don't know what to do , you have a plan in my life , but currently i am not sure whether i am living under your plan or i am creating my own path . I read the purpose driven life by Pastor Rick Warren. He  told me you are the one who planned my life , but why you planned it like that ? I really don't know what to do for now . Am i still a good man or i was a good man . You know my heart Lord Jesus , i really hope you will reply me ................ A desperate heart , Your child Anthony

      Love is a very completed element . Love existed before the world , because i believe God do put in this element while he was creating the heaven and earth . Love is not just a feeling , it's something unseen but real and can be shown by what we think and what we do . Love have a power to create but to destroy someone .  As a christian , i always believe that God loves me and i can feel that . By looking at everything happens around me , i know that God loves me so much . The greatest love is when he sacrificed himself at the cross for me , i will never understand how big is his love to us . I involved in some relationships that i cannot explain ....Is LOVE always right ? Even if we know it's not right ...... That's love isn't it ?

So , it have been 7 days and i haven't done writing my new year resolutions yet ... From the first day of new year until now , i was thinking about my new year resolutions , just think and with no action to write it down , i think it's pointless .... It's 2014 , so , don't procrastinate and i decided to write it down here. ............ It's 31st  of Jan 2014 12:00 , i must write it down today , for it's the first day of Chinese new year . That day , my math lecturer had a chi chat with me , she was asking about my plan after A Level .I want to be a medical doctor for now i told her . She was then asking me about my result . I told her honestly what i got and she was giving me a lot of useful advices . It's not a good result to show off here , but i want to write it here , so i know my mistake and failure . I failed my chemistry , just passed for mathematics and B for biology in the internal exam . I have analyzed why i failed , here are some . 1. Time ...