The Emotional Thinker

I questioned myself , why can i be so positive but yet so negative ... A simple sentence that someone combined unintentionally could be a sword that hurts me deep into my heart . A candy that given by someone normal can bright up my day . While walking around , i amazed to see the creation like flowers and tree of God but sadness just filled my heart when i saw those little kids that asking for food , those adults that have no pride but live so hopeless ............................................... So simple but yet so complicated . So easy but yet so hard . 

God has given me the very rich emotions , the emotions that feel .....I feel the people around me , i know the feeling when your parents about to divorce , i know the feeling that when you feel like God leaving you , i know your feeling when someone look down on you , i know your feeling when you break with your couple , i know your feeling when you lost your phone . I know all that because i experienced it . 

Emotion can be good and can be bad . When you are controlling your emotion , then it is good but when emotion conquer your soul , you will see everything starts to betray you .  Inside the heart of everyone of us , it is made up of many essences that build up our life .....

Fear is the most common one , fear is good when it protects us from something that might harm us , but most of the time , we fear on how people look at us , we fear to be alone , we fear to fail . This fail limits us from growing because we are stopped by the fear . A few day ago , i posted something in a group in whatsapp , that message intentionally was to make the members laugh , but ends up with an advisor saying not to post this kind of post again and a member send me message personally told me not to post those kind of thing so that i don't get shoot . I don't understand , i meant my intention was good , i was trying to share the happiness but why ends up like that , my emotion stopped me from enter my sleep . So i was thinking what is wrong with me ? Why i feel so burdensome ? I realised i let the emotion controlled me . How can a leader be so emotional ? How am i going to face those big challenge when i am so emotional , it's just a small case but why do i feel so much ? I fear i cannot be a good leader in the future . And the next day , i knew that the advisor didn't get the meaning of my post and that's why he posted that . and that means i fear for nothing . 

There was a kid sent me a facebook message that stated his worries and i replied God will give strength when he needed it and asked him not to worried . But why i never use this reply to reply myself . i always worried how people look at me , i always worried what i will lost , i always worried i cannot be someone i wish to be until i worried the relationship between me and God .

On the wednesday , i was talking to my boss , i told him that i am worried of which university to go , which job to get into ..... After a long talk , he shared his very extraordinary experience to me , he said he felt so frustrated a week ago , he felt so stress because of his work . Until one time he silently and listened to the song that i gave him " I Surrender All " . He started to feel relaxed because of the presence of God . He gave me an advice , don't think too much about the future , but everything i do , think about God . 

I scrolled the post in Facebook , i found a post posted by my lecturer in Sabah Theology Seminary during the Short Term Mission , the post was about sleep early and wake up early .

Surrender the day to God in the morning , and you will see the thing differently , you feel see light in darkness .

When i wrote this post , only i realised that these days God are reminding not to be controlled by my emotion but surrender everything to him .  

Thanks God ! 

In everything , i should give thanks , 

I surrender all , my blessed savior !